Emotional Proceedings
by xXBlackBloodAngelXx
Summary: Just a prequel to my fic "Nighttime Revelations". It just explains Edmunds feelings that led him to the witch and the events that happen in my story!


**This started out as a completely different story, but turned into a prequel to my story, _"Nighttime Revelations"_. It basically just shows Edmund's thoughts and feelings that led up to the feelings he feels in that story.**

 **Disclaimer: I no Own**

Edmund Pevensie was always a quiet boy. He was utterly shy, and could rarely ever make friends. He wasn't spectacular in any way, and he was okay with that. He knew it to be true, but he still didn't like it when people just bluntly said it out loud. To make matters worse, people were always comparing him to his older brother, _'The Golden Boy'_. He wasn't jealous of his brother. Not by a long-shot. It just hurt when people expected him to act like his older brother. After all, he was dark, shadow-filled, and kept his thoughts and feelings locked away deep in his black heart. Peter, on the other hand, was his exact opposite. Peter was golden, he wore his heart on his sleeve, and everyone looked up to him.

Sometimes, Edmund wondered if they were really brothers.

If just a few people had told him to be like Peter, Edmund probably wouldn't have cared so much. But, that just wasn't the case. His own mother was CONSTANTLY saying it. His father would tell her to lay off him, but Edmund could clearly see the disappointment in his eyes. Them, there was his teachers. At first, Edmund had went to a different boarding school as Peter. Then, his mother decided to send him to the same one as his brother.

Big mistake...

Peter had almost all of the teachers Edmund had, a few years prior. By then Edmund was already sick of trying to live up to those expectations, that he eventually stopped trying. He stopped trying to make friends. He stopped doing his school-work. He started getting into fights, and eventually started bullying those around him. It was like his own silent cry for help, but did anyone notice? No. They never really paid attention to his behavior to start with, so they thought that they were just receiving a magnified view of his flaws.

Edmund was struggling, but no one chose to help him. They just didn't have time for his so-called antics. All at once, Edmund realized how alone he truly was. This just caused Edmund to withdraw even further into himself. He was angry and hurt, but he no longer felt like he had the right to be happy. So, it was fine with him. He shouldn't complain about something he didn't deserve. It was okay that Susan didn't love him enough to claim him as her baby brother. It was okay that Peter avoided him at school. It was okay that his parents thought he was a mistake.

In all honesty, Edmund was only lying to himself. He wasn't really okay with his family's lack of love.

Moreover, he wasn't okay, but he had never been a master at dealing with his own emotions. It was no surprise, however, when he decided to bury all those pathetic emotions and leave anger at the forefront. Actually, he was quite pleased with the results his anger got him. Whenever Lucy got too close he would tease her into submission. She would start crying, and everyone else in his family would show him these ugly faces. Those faces were actually what he wanted. Those faces didn't show the false love he was used to. Instead, they showed hatred, contempt, irritation, and disappointment.

He wanted to see more of the truth.

He started avoiding Susan. She always wanted to use him as an excuse to get out of the house. She would complain to their mother that she was at a critical time in her life, and that she didn't need Edmund annoying her. So, Edmund just avoided her like the plague. Susan couldn't use that excuse anymore, and whenever they did pass each other she would narrow her eyes at him. Then, she decided to get back at him by 'mothering' him. Whenever Peter would make him cry, Susan would chase after him, and then she would start reprimanding him for making Peter angry.

Peter was always angry at him.

He actually loved making Peter angry. When Peter was angry, he could no longer be the 'Golden Boy'. He couldn't be perfect anymore, Edmund rationalized, because he was angry and was anything but perfect. He was a mistake that was sorry that he was ever born. He loved making Peter turn into a beast. He could see Peter's true feelings towards him more than ever before. Peter would hit and verbally abuse him. He knew that Peter didn't love him just from his face. Angry faces didn't lie, so it was easy to tell the truth from the lies during these moments.

Then he started constantly receiving those faces. They were truthful and all he ever wanted, but then they suddenly weren't enough. He started to feel extremely worthless, and it made him feel even more empty than usual. He honestly loved his family even if they didn't love him. That's when he found a solution to his problem: a knife. It could drain away all of those bad feelings like they were nothing. He started a week after his dad got drafted. It was two months before his dad actually left to fight. He loved the way the physical pain took away the pain of not being loved. He loved how it made him feel like he wasn't so alone anymore.

Four months into it and he began to cherish the raised silver lines on his pale forearms. He loved the ruby red blood that flowed out of his arm even more.

Then the night raids came...

Finchley was then announced far too dangerous for children to live in, and his mother decided to send him and his siblings away.

His siblings seemed to hate him even more than usual after they arrived at the Professor's house. He couldn't blame then, though, he was an awful child that didn't deserve to live. He knew he was a beastly little boy, but he couldn't change that. It was who he was, so he decided to properly show his siblings that part of him. He made Peter even angrier. He ignored Susan more than he thought possible. And to top it off, he made Lucy cry every chance he got.

Then his life changed dramatically when he followed his little sister through the wardrobe.

He met a beautiful queen who showed him more love in two minutes that he had ever thought possible. She made him feel not-so-worthless, and for the first time in his life he thought that maybe he wasn't such a mistake after all.

Or so he thought, because in that moment his life became worse than he ever imagined possible. Then, for the first time in his life he didn't want to see the angry faces of those he loved. He needed to put comfort in the fake-love his siblings had to offer him.

Maybe, she would kill him before he had to do it himself...

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